Log in

No account? Create an account
The Argument Clinic

Doppleganger posting in The Argument Clinic
User: argument_clinic (posted by evilgrins)
Date: September 5th, 2006
Subject: Screw reality!
Security: Public
Media:NBC11 News
5:43 AM 9/5/06 · It's been quite some time since I've experienced one but this morning I had a death shudder. Was already awake, which made it both less and more traumatic, but this sort of thing mainly only happens when I'm between the dreamscape and conciousness. It's hard to describe other than to say it's like being in a full on state of nonexistance; probably only lasts seconds but it feels like an hour or more when it hits.

Though it's not a concious thing, per se, I attribute it to remembering what it was like before.

Before the existance I have now.

Though I know many go for making some significant achievement in life in order to leave a long lasting impact on future humanity, so they are immortalized to future generations, I'm not so into that. Sure, I do impact the lives around me and go out of my way, as perceived by others more than my own take, to help folks whenever I can but that's not really the same thing. I've made many happy, relieved a lot of tension, and I've got my own personal little hate group that would just as soon see me burn; woo hoo. I have little illusions that should I die I'd have a big funeral, outside of family, and don't suspect my absence would be felt by many.

The lack of me in the world so far as others are concerned isn't my issue.

It's the not being here.

I have long strived for immortality...by which I mean actually living forever and not being remembered through the ages to come. I very much like this existance and have no desire to go back to what lies beyond this life. Tastes, sensations, people, sights, sounds; everything is just so nice here and even the crappy stuff has a measure of value to me that I'd not like being denied it. Even being sick is kinda fun...which isn't to say I'd like it to happen anymore than it already does.

There's really no reason against it I can find, though I get that it being a widely applied thing wouldn't be so good. A full on population of immortals isn't practical with the way things are. I'm not for abolishing death...I'd just like a personal ongoing reprieve. Have no desire to pass onto salvation or damnation.

This is a nice place to be.

A death shudder I think of as remembering, on whatever level, what or where it was before I came here. I have no illusions of a former existance, the ever famous past life experience, as I'm pretty sure this is my 1st time around. It usually starts with a slowing down of everything and then nothing; no breathing, movement, feeling, or much anything else for what feels like an eternity. I then wrench myself out of it, usually accompanied by a strangled rage filled groan of frustration and anguish. This tends to leave me shaking, trembling but not from fear or cold, and generally unpleasant for a few minutes.

Been having death shudders as far back as I can remember. Further back then I could talk.

Guess how I woke up today?

I don't feel a desire to be immortal is that bad a thing. It's not like I take up much space and I do enjoy working. Work a decent couple vacations in every ½ century and I'd be fine. Hey, maybe I could take 40 years and do a very slow world tour...working a little bit here and there as my travel expenses mandated it.
2 Comments Post A Comment Flag Link

my journal
January 2015